The Spectrum of Love
by Sithstrukk
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi- er, "Dr. Love," he likes to call himself, is here to explain the faults of Qui-Gon and Tahl's relationship using ultraviolet, radio, gamma, microwaves, infrared, and visible light examples.


**I'm warning you ahead of time- this is really, really weird. It is the geekiest thing I have ever written.**

Greetings. This is Obi-Wan Kenobi, aka the Love Doctor. You are about to read my latest literary work, aptly named "The Spectrum of Love." Before we delve into it, how about an introduction?

I've had people (okay, one. It was Qui-Gon, my Master. I started this whole relationship advice thing after his girlfriend died) come to me and say, "Doc, I'm confused. Love seems like something I just can't relate to. It's so… different."

It's not different at all, my friends! Why, it's on the same spectrum as the galaxies and the sky and the whole entire universe! It's a sub division of the electromagnetic spectrum, see?

Wait; don't tell me you don't know your own spectrum of light. It starts with radio waves, then microwaves, then infrared, then visible, then ultraviolet, then X-ray, and finally gamma ray. See? Now you understand. Your brain just needed a little prodding, right? I thought so.

And now that you are all too familiar with the spectrum of electromagnetism, let me explain how it can be employed to understand love. And to help… we're going to use the lifelong relationship of Qui-Gon and Tahl as an example.

Infrared  
It's heat, to put it simply. We all give it off, you know? And it gives you that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you're in love. It makes you feel all cuddly and happy.  
Qui-Gon and Tahl ignored this warmth, of course. And they had plenty of opportunities to recognize it. Believe me; they held hands all the time! You'd think they would know when chemistry had sparked something between them. Isn't holding hands how all couples start? But no, they had to stick to the Code and ignore all those hormones.  
Remember when Tahl was undercover as an Absolute and my Master and I got captured? Remember how she rescued us? She touched Qui-Gon's face to see if he was smiling. He was, of course. But then she didn't take her hand away! Bow chicka wow wow!  
It was practically a kiss on the hand. And they didn't feel a thing.

Ultraviolet  
Some birds and bugs and sentient species can see things in a different light, right? No, I mean literally a _different _light than the human eye can. And when you're desperately in love, don't you see life from a special, wonderful point of view? When you're with your loved one don't you feel like dancing in the rain and frolicking through a field of pansies with your socks on your ears because "YOU'RE IN LOVE, AND YOU DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"  
So another thing I must criticize; there was no new view of life until her death, and that's a not how it's done. You're supposed to view life differently and worthwhile while you're both alive.

Visible Light  
Color, duh. This should be obvious, so I'll keep it short. What color symbolizes love? Red, slow people; a deep, passionate red. Red is necessary in a relationship- red roses, chocolates wrapped in red- _anything _red.  
Qui-Gon's favorite color? Green.  
Tahl's favorite color? Blue.  
Points off; not a shade of red was ever in their relationship.

Radio  
Back in the day, before comlinks, (I'm talking _way_ back in the day) radio waves were used for long distance communication. Communication is vital in a relationship. That's why most long distance relationships fail.  
QuiTahl had awful communication skills. Why else would they have billions or arguments? They couldn't convey their thoughts and feelings if their lives depended on it. Unfortunately, lack of communication was one of the main reasons for Tahl's death. If she had just made herself and old fashioned radio (it's really easy) …think of the possibilities, folks! Think of how well off Tahl could be today!

Gamma  
It has (kind of) been scientifically proven that gamma rays, when given in the correct dosage, can inflict super hero-like powers. You know- green skin, enormous strength, great height. When you're in love, will you not do anything to save your significant other if they are in danger? Exactly; you'll be their hero!  
Qui-Gon… he really tried to save Tahl. I should know, I was there. I was the one who got a leg injury and was nearly left behind so my Master could continue his rescue mission.  
Unfortunately, Qui-Gon lacked the super hero abilities necessary in a hero. Never make the same mistake he did. Call your doctor and get you hero powers today. You'll never know when you will need them.

Microwaves  
Microwaves are popular for navigation. I bet you didn't know that, unless you work with managing microwave satellites or something. If you did know that because you work on the satellites, why bother reading this? Girls dig geeks, recent polls show.  
Anyway, don't you have to navigate around tough spots in any relationship?  
Qui-Gon and Tahl took those tough spots head on and just argued and fought it all out. Remember that really embarrassing incident in the Council room? They didn't use any skillful tactics to same themselves from embarrassment. Bad idea; see how their relationship was delayed because they were too furious to notice anything? Counseling-group or private- is always the best idea.

This concludes my short self-help book on relating love to something relatable: the electromagnetic spectrum. Navigating, heroism, red, a new point of view, communication, and fuzziness are all necessary for you to live happily ever after. Hopefully it has increased your knowledge of love and light. May you learn from Qui-Gon and Tahl's mistakes, and may you find the man or woman of your dreams soon!

**That was epic fun to write. That's probably why I'm still single, too. Reviews are always appreciated- I'd love to hear what you thought of this, because I honestly had no idea how you guys would react! Thanks for reading!**


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